This Page: Abortion | Adoption | Single Parenting | Marriage

Unplanned Pregnancy: Your Choices

Abortion

If you are pregnant you currently have the legal option of abortion. You deserve to know how abortions are performed and the risks they pose to your health. More about how abortions are performed.

Is abortion really safe? Like any surgical procedure, abortion involves health risks. In a surgical abortion, the doctor's tools invade the mother's body by forcing open the cervix long before it is ready. This can be very painful. Sometimes the cervix is permanently damaged, making it difficult or impossible for the woman to carry a future baby to term. The sharp instruments that are used can perforate the uterus resulting in hemorrhaging, infection, scarring, damage to surrounding organs and sterility. Some women have aborted the only baby they will ever be able to bear. Abortion increases the risk of breast cancer, especially when a first pregnancy is aborted. If an emergency occurs during an abortion, the woman is often taken to the hospital in a private car without the first aid equipment of an ambulance because the clinic does not want the negative publicity of an ambulance at its back door. The hospital personnel are not required to list abortion as the cause of the woman's injuries, so there is a lot of cover up, denial and fear that goes on. Even in women who have no apparent physical damage from abortion there is a high incidence of depression, low self-worth, self doubt, guilt, nightmares, trouble in relationships and even suicidal thoughts.

The memory of an abortion never goes away. You live with it for the rest of your life. But there is hope. If you are dealing with the pain of a past abortion, Birth Choice highly recommends two outstanding post-abortion recovery programs in the San Diego area:

• Rachel's Hope, 858-581-3022. Rachel's Hope is especially designed for Catholic women. Visit their website at rachelshope.org.
• Silent Voices 619-422-0757. Silent Voices has a general Christian approach. Visit their website, silentvoices.org.

If circumstances are making your pregnancy difficult, call Birth Choice and let us relieve and support you. You are not alone. There are many people who care about you and your baby who are willing to stand with you and help you find the courage and resources to give your baby life. All our services are free.

Here are some of the ways we can help:

• Pregnancy tests
• Counseling with trained, lay counselors
• Assistance in applying for Medi-Cal or AIM
• Maternity and baby clothes formula and diapers
• Support groups
• Host homes for clients needing housing
• Adoption referrals and counseling
• Medical, financial and legal referrals

Adoption

Adoption can be an excellent solution to an unplanned pregnancy. It is a welcome alternative to raising a child a woman feels unprepared to raise, or to killing that child. According to the National Committee for Adoption, there are 1.5 million American couples wanting to adopt children. Yet each year, while 1.6 million children are being killed by abortion, only 50,000 new children are made available for adoption. For every couple that adopts, another 40 wait in line. Birth Choice receives letters weekly from couples longing to adopt a baby. There are even groups of prospective adoptive parents who specifically want to adopt disabled or special needs children.

Adoption is conducted very differently now than in years past. Today the birth mother is respected and empowered. She chooses the parents she wants for her child from resumes and interviews. The birth families and adoptive families get to know each other and often become friends during the pregnancy. Any degree of openness after the baby is born that is mutually agreed upon can be arranged. Birth Choice is not a licensed adoption agency. We refer to two excellent organizations, The Adoption Center of San Diego and Catholic Charities. Birth Choice also has as a referral a wonderful home in rural San Diego County called Love Born for pregnant teens who will be placing for adoption. The "mom and dad" believe their calling is to honor young ladies who have made the loving, unselfish choice for adoption.

Comparing Adoption and Abortion

Some women have said to us at Birth Choice, "I could never give my baby up for adoption. I'd abort before I would do that." We urge them to consider that adoption can accomplish the same goals as abortion. Let's look at the similarities. With both adoption and abortion you can:

• pursue earlier goals and plans
• you will not have to parent prematurely
• you will be free of the financial burdens of parenting
• you will avoid being forced into a hasty marriage
• if you are a teen, you can resume your youthful lifestyle

 Now let's look at the differences.

With adoption:

1. your pregnancy ends with giving life
2. you can feel positive and proud of your choice
3. you will remember giving birth
4. you will have plenty of time to plan your and your baby's future
5. you can hold, name and love your baby
6. you can have continued contact with your baby

With abortion:

1. your pregnancy ends with death
2. you may feel shame and guilt about your choice
3. you will remember taking a life
4. abortion is final; you can't go back on your decision
5. you will never know or treasure your baby
6. you will never know what your child might have been

Adoption means that you are giving your child the gift of a family. You are being a good parent by making a good plan for your child. It is far preferable to be the mother of a child who is alive and thriving in a loving, stable home chosen by you, than to be the mother of a dead child. You will be honored and supported through every aspect of the adoption experience at Birth Choice and our partnering agencies.

Single Parenting

Where you will live, child support and custody issues with the father of the baby, child care while you are at work or school, dating and your social life, your child's well being without a father in the home, and finances must be realistically faced when you are making your plans. Birth Choice's services listed above and resources we can access through networking with other agencies can help. Most of the help is temporary and designed to get you started on the path to self sufficiency. There are now many educational materials and support groups for single parents. Check into Focus on the Family Single Parenting resources at www.family.org, the YMCA and local church programs.

Marriage

Every child deserves a mother and a father who are committed to each other and to creating a strong, stable home. If you and the father of your child have put time and effort into your relationship, it may be possible to build a healthy marriage. A pregnancy is not the sole reason to marry, of course. If there are addictions, abuse or promiscuity, there should absolutely be no consideration of marriage. The ingredients of respect, responsibility, maturity and mutual religious beliefs must exist, as well as such practical matters as consistent employment and support from the extended family. Marriage is more successful and rewarding if the couple has pre-marital counseling. Birth Choice has a chaplain and other ministers and lay church workers who offer free pre-marital counseling.

Living together is no substitute for marriage. It is conditional rather than unconditional love. It says, I will love you IF things go well or IF I don't get tired of you. There is no covenant; no blessing from God. It is taking and not giving. It is trying to have the benefits of marriage - regular sex, companionship and sharing the work of daily life - without the responsibility. It is a pretend marriage. You, your boyfriend and your child deserve better. Men and women have no right to each other's bodies if they are not willing to commit their lives to one another publicly and legally. Studies show that married couples enjoy better and more frequent sex than unmarried couples. Children are more secure and have more loyalty to their families when their parents are married.

Even if the marriage eventually fails, the child is better off than if her parents had never married. For those critical early months of a child's life she had two parents in the home, and the family bore the same last name. Legal identification as her father's daughter grounds her in two families, two sets of grandparents and the sense of roots which a legally fatherless child never has. Divorce does its own severe damage, of course, but a never-daddy childhood is even more impoverished. Another practical matter   20% of never-married women actually receive court-ordered child support payments; the figure for divorced women is 60%.

Take the marriage option seriously. With proper preparation, understanding and commitment, you can forge a good married life together and provide a good home for your child.

Sources: Adoption, Abortion: Similarities and Differences, Bethany Productions, Grand Rapids, MI, www.bethany.org, [Adoption Section].

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