Unplanned Pregnancy

True Stories from People Like YouTheir Choices: Joe and Patty

What would cause a kind-hearted, upstanding, happily married couple, already the proud parents of an adorable one-year-old, to end a second pregnancy by abortion? Many people believe we need to keep abortion legal for the so-called hard cases. What they don’t realize is that its very legality often causes good, law-abiding people who would never consider abortion if it were illegal, to choose it, only to experience remorse, grief, self-loathing, guilt, nightmares, broken relationships and sometimes physical damage afterward. If abortion were not legal, such a couple would work through the initial phase of feeling upset and overwhelmed, and then they would begin eagerly looking forward to their baby’s arrival, as people have done for centuries. But while Joe and Patty were still in that early stressful period, their problems seemed too difficult to overcome. Abortion seemed like a way to make those problems go away, so they came to Birth Choice thinking Patty could have an abortion at our center.

It was a pleasure meeting Joe, Patty, and little 13-month-old Susanna when they arrived for their appointment. They seemed very much in love and were very devoted to their daughter. That they planned to abort their second child just didn’t fit their “family values” demeanor. Patty followed the volunteer into the counseling room while our other volunteer played with Susanna and visited with Joe. Patty expressed her concerns to her counselor. Things were so hard for them financially, she said. Joe is in the Marine Corps, and they can barely make it on his salary. She wanted to go to work. Their daughter was still a baby. How could they manage a newborn? The counselor showed Patty our little plastic baby, a scale model of a child of 12 weeks that is fully formed with all organs functioning. Patty was 14 weeks along in her pregnancy.

She knew her baby was larger and more developed than the little doll she was holding. The counselor asked her how she felt about abortion. She replied she didn’t really want to do it, but felt it was best. The counselor told her it was important that she be fully informed about abortion procedures and risks so she could make a wise decision based on having all the facts. She explained the various methods abortionists use and the possible damage to her body and emotions. She told her about all the practical help Birth Choice could offer. Then Joe was asked to come in.

“We’ve been talking about the difficulties you and Patty are facing and the medical reality of abortion,” the counselor told Joe. “Before your wife has this procedure you need to know what she will go through and some of the possible after effects.” Joe was surprised and alarmed when abortion methods were explained to him. He held Patty’s hand tightly. He looked at the plastic baby that was so like his own child in his wife’s womb while the counselor pointed out the characteristics of a baby at that age. He frowned. “But it’s so hard; it’s so hard,” Joe kept saying. The counselor agreed that our military is very underpaid. But what were Joe’s career plans after his four years in the Marines? He wanted to join the police department in his hometown, he replied. “Joe,” said the counselor, “that’s an excellent ambition. You’ll earn much more money in the future. You won’t always feel like this. Should your child have to die for a temporary problem that can be helped?” The counselor warned Joe and Patty that statistics show that many marriages break up after an abortion. When the loss and regret set in, a couple tends to blame each other. She suggested they watch our video After the Choice, featuring women who describe what life is like for them after making their choice for abortion. Patty began to cry halfway through the video. She was heartbroken for those women. The counselor turned the video off. As Joe continued to grip Patty’s hand, she appealed to his role as provider and protector. “It’s easy to see how much you love your wife and daughter, Joe. You’d never let anyone harm them. Your second child needs that same protection from you now.” She paused. “When someone needs your help, do you help them, Joe?” “Of course,” he replied. “Then take the help that’s available here at Birth Choice now when you need it temporarily. You can give back later. I know you’d help us here if you could.” Another pause. “Let’s go back to our clothes closet. I want to show you what we have here. People throughout our community donate to us because they really care about you.”

Seeing our room full of maternity and baby clothes and equipment seemed to complete the change taking place in Joe and Patty’s hearts. Their faces brightened. Patty spotted a matching lamp, comforter and crib bumper set. She picked out some maternity outfits. They found some clothes for Susanna as well as some diapers. They didn’t say much but the change could almost be felt in the air.

When they made their way back to our waiting area, the counselor told our other counselor who had been taking care of Susanna that Joe and Patty had just made a very important decision. Could she tell what it was by looking at the items Patty was carrying? There were smiles, cries of delight and congratulations all around. Patty embraced both volunteers and thanked them. Our second counselor said, “Now you two have just been through a heavy emotional time here. You can’t cook tonight, Patty. You need to recuperate and celebrate. I’m treating you to dinner!” And she handed Joe her own money for dinner at a restaurant.

Joe, Patty and Susanna left full of joyful anticipation and relief. The volunteers thanked God for His intervention in this couple’s lives. The counselor called Patty a week later. Sometimes, when a client leaves Birth Choice and returns to the friends or family who wanted her to abort, she regresses back to her former thinking and succumbs to abortion. That didn’t seem likely with Patty. Nevertheless the counselor was relieved when Patty thanked her again, and talked about how happy she and Joe were about their baby.

At six months Patty had to be hospitalized for early dilation and labor. It was then she learned that her baby was a boy. She was put on bed rest.

Several weeks later Patty called telling us her son had been born at 28 weeks, weighing just over 2 pounds. The early delivery began with her starting to lose the placenta. At the hospital a doctor told her she was going to lose the baby. In addition the baby was in the breech position. Now Joe and Patty and their families were panic and grief stricken at the thought of losing their child. Patty had an emergency Caesarean section. Her tiny son was found to have a heart defect which was corrected by surgery when he was just days old. He has thrived since then and has been pronounced healthy and normal. His parents, extended family and Birth Choice could not be more grateful. Joe and Patty have named him after the two of them, Joseph Patrick.

Joe and Patty came to Birth Choice one month after the birth of their son, beaming with pride and happiness. Joseph Patrick was still in the hospital, so the volunteers had to be content with pictures. Joe was already giving back. He donated Susanna’s outgrown clothes, meticulously organized and packed. Patty spoke of the guilt she feels when she holds little Joseph and realizes how close they came to taking his life. The volunteers suggested she replace those thoughts with expressions of thanksgiving to God, and share with others who may be contemplating abortion that problems can be overcome, and there are places like Birth Choice that tell the truth about the baby in the womb, about what abortion really is, and that there is hope and help for every need.

“The law teaches,” goes the old saying. Even now Patty would be spared feelings of guilt if abortion had not been a legal option for her and Joe to consider. We had two other clients who aborted about the same time Joe and Patty gave their child life. Though their situations were difficult, they would have adjusted and then welcomed their babies into their lives. Often years go by before a woman realizes how severely abortion has hurt her. But these two clients recognized their mistake immediately and were willing to admit their profound regret to their counselors. If abortion were not legal, these women would have given birth and would not be living with sorrow and guilt today. We have urged them to participate in abortion recovery workshops such as those offered through Silent Voices or Rachel's Hope.

Changing minds and hearts and offering practical help as we do at Birth Choice is one essential part of the pro-life goal. The other parts are to educate the public and to press for laws and public policy to protect innocent lives. The law not only teaches, it restrains those who are not yet convinced of its moral teachings. Joe and Patty were deceived by Roe vs. Wade. It taught them to contradict their otherwise ethical lives.

Thankfully they saw the truth in time. Our other two clients and millions of women and men wish desperately that the law had protected the lives of their children while their mothers were in a temporary state of weakness.

The love, truth and practical help offered by pregnancy support centers such as Birth Choice together with pro-life education and the enactment of laws that protect all human life will spare many other Joes and Pattys from a lifetime of damage and regret and will enable them to enjoy the infinitely valuable gift of their children.

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